We have all heard that old and ominous aphorism “Think wrong and you will be right”, which we can consider as a kind of foundational principle or a sustaining pillar of the most intuitive and primary pessimism.
Thinking badly supposes a gratuitous exercise of self-defense, a perfectly avoidable loss of energy, a -using another recurring saying- putting on the bandage before the wound arises.
The users of the aforementioned aphorism are usually individuals with behaviors and reactions guided by distrust, as well as by a cautious and preventive attitude. They are vigilant, observant, constantly alert, barely expressive except when they exude hostility; frequently sarcastic and often opinionated.
Of a pugnacious and combative nature, each conversation and exchange of views is a battle in which defeat or even withdrawal is not allowed, so they usually arouse a certain animosity in the interlocutor, who will also defend himself with a certain aggressiveness, serving this as an alibi for the distrustful to reinforce that apprehensive loop of self-sufficiency and disaffection.
Mistrust in its fair measure, as an immediate self-protection procedure, should not be considered a negative factor
It should be noted that distrust in a fair measure, as an expeditious and immediate self-protection procedure, should not be considered as a negative factor par excellence, since it allows us to protect ourselves from specific and habitual dangers.
However, it is not the same for a person to occasionally and occasionally be wary of a situation in which their instinctive indicators of danger are put into operation that, on a daily basis, come to suppose that even those closest to them are plotting and conspiring in their lives. against.
As in everything, there are permissible degrees in prevention and mistrust, but when an individual reaches the extreme of his “Think wrong and you will be right” including in his application to his closest environment: partner, children, close family or friends, he ends up achieving that their daily coexistence be an insurmountable hell in the midst of reproaches, protests and veiled animosity.
Behind the contentious and defensive dam of the proverb, hides a person with a pressing need to control their living environment and high levels of insecurity and distrust, in addition to low self-esteem and great difficulty in integrating into an affective reference group.
Achieve a more positive view of reality
In coaching sessions, this type of problem is worked very often. There is an infinity of useful tools in emotional health, both to discover those limiting beliefs that make us suffer and to put an end to them.
The way in which we interpret the reality of the events and circumstances that surround us will substantially influence our way of acting and reacting.
Nobody assured us that we would come to a fair and harmonious world, there are aspects in it that impel us to self-defense and secrecy, but if we develop the ability to adequately manage a conflict, a moment of uncertainty or disappointment, we will have the instrument that It will lead to stop thinking badly and continually.
When thinking badly leads you to act worse
Ana was selected for a job interview, at first she was very excited and began to prepare for it by reviewing the company’s data. Since she has a lot of respect and veneration for her father, she discussed this job opportunity with him.
When he found out, his father, the first thing he did was warn him that in reality these large companies see the employee as just another number and that, in general, the allocation of some positions was already rigged. “You pay attention to me, think badly and you will be right”. Ana commented in her coaching session how insecure she was in the face of a possibility that attracted her a lot, but that she believed that her father could be right and she could no longer get excited about her because she was terrified of rejection. Finally, she, Ana, decided not to go to the interview, arguing “why would I go if I’m sure I’m wasting my time and the position is already reserved for someone else”. She would never know what would have happened if she had attended.
Pablo was summoned by his former partner to meet and resolve certain pending financial issues between them. When he found out about this, his best friend told him “you’ll see how he begins to dust off old topics that have nothing to do with the reason for the date and you’ll discuss again.” Pay attention to her, think badly and you’ll be right”. Pablo postponed the meeting for the umpteenth time and the matter, how could it be otherwise, continues to be postponed.
“Certain people have a natural tendency to think badly and that feeling arises spontaneously”
The examples clearly show that certain people have a natural tendency to think badly and that this feeling arises as spontaneously in their lives as the emotions that support these beliefs: resentment, fear and even envy generate unnecessary levels in them and in their environment. of stress and anxiety.
If you are within this group of individuals and you believe that you are destined for everything bad to end up happening to you, it is important that you can learn to do something different with these types of thoughts.
Some tips to put into practice
* Work on your self-esteem and reinforce the concept you have of yourself.
* The experiences that have happened to you in the past are not always decisive for your future. On the contrary, you can and should give yourself a new opportunity.
* Work on detecting your negative thoughts and compare them with your reality.
* We are what we think, that is why it is so important to create your own filters and properly identify each situation.
* Avoid generalizations and accept the challenge of living your own experience
* Change your perspective: many times things are not what they seem. We become obsessed with thinking that they are in a certain way and we assume our opinion as an unquestionable truth. New ideas and approaches must be sought.
* Be informed: analyze what you think you see from others and, if it is negative, put it “in quarantine”. Wait until you have more data, think about whether you are generalizing and try to analyze your criteria from other points of view. Remember that the shortest and easiest way to find out is to ask.
* Lastly, remember that when you think badly of others they tend to be defensive, which makes it more difficult to communicate and causes relationships to worsen in every way.
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